Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day is honored every August 28, when countless pet owners remember and celebrate the beloved pets that are no longer with them. This special day recognizes that while our pets have passed on, they are never forgotten. As veterinarians, we understand that pet loss affects people of all ages, but it can be especially hard for children. Many children have had the family dog in their life since they were born. For others, the loss of a pet may be their first experience of grief. To help your kids through the process, we’ve put together the following suggestions to help them prepare.
Children’s Books Focused on Pet Loss
An excellent way to introduce the idea that their pet will pass on someday is to include books on this topic among the other children’s books in their collection. Without having to raise this sensitive subject directly with a young child, you are helping them understand it, and they will think back to these storybook characters when the day arrives.
A few well-regarded children’s books include:
- The Invisible Leash by Patrice Karst
- The Rainbow Bridge: A Visit to Pet Paradise by Adrian Raeside
- Dog Heaven and Cat Heaven by Cynthia Rylant
Your local librarian can also point you toward age-appropriate options, and it’s worth reading one yourself first to be sure the tone suits your child.
Look for Teachable Moments
As your pet ages, they’ll begin showing signs of slowing down. Your children might notice that their dog doesn’t run as quickly or as often, struggles to jump up onto the couch, or sleeps more. They may start taking medications for conditions that have developed with age. When your children mention the changes they see, or watch you give the pet their medication, use these as opportunities to talk about aging and the fact that their dog or cat is getting older. This eases the shock of the loss when it comes, because they will have understood for some time that their pet was changing.
Do bring these changes to us as well, rather than putting them down to age alone. Stiffness, reduced activity, and sleeping more are often signs of arthritis or another treatable problem, and a pain management plan can give an older pet a great deal more comfortable time with your family.
Be Careful with the Phrase “Putting Them to Sleep”
Parents often want to tread lightly on sensitive subjects, and with this one that can do more harm than good. Many parents reach for the phrase “putting them to sleep” to avoid the specifics of death and dying. Young children take it literally, though, and it can leave them frightened of going to sleep themselves, or waiting for the pet to wake up. It’s kinder in the long run to use plain words—that the pet died, or that the veterinarian will help them die peacefully because they are very unwell and we can’t make them better.
Phrases like “went away,” “we lost them,” or “God took them” cause similar confusion for the same reason. Children generally cope better with a simple, honest explanation than with one that leaves them guessing.
Talk About Grief Before They Feel Grief
How you address the subject of grief depends on your children’s age, but discussing the emotion before they feel it will help them handle it when it comes. A conversation normalizes it, so they understand it is a feeling like sadness, anger, or frustration—emotions they already know are allowed, and that everyone deals with in their own way.
It also helps to let them see that you are sad too. Children take their cue from the adults around them, and a parent who grieves openly gives them permission to do the same. Grief rarely arrives in a tidy order, either—a child may seem fine one day and be inconsolable the next, or ask the same questions repeatedly for weeks. That is normal.
Discuss Memorial Plans For Your Beloved Pet
If the loss of your pet is imminent, it might help to talk with your children about what a memorial could look like and what they would like to do for their pet when the day arrives. This prepares them for what’s coming and gives them a sense of having done something for a pet they loved. Encourage them to think of stories about their favorite times together, have them draw pictures to display, and let them decide who to invite. Planting something in the garden, making a small photo album, or putting a paw print somewhere they can see it are all ways children can take part.
Should Children Be Present for Euthanasia?
This is a question we are asked often, and there is no single right answer. It depends on the child’s age, how they handle difficult situations, and what they want. Some older children find being there helps them understand and say goodbye; others would find it distressing, and there is nothing wrong with saying goodbye beforehand and waiting elsewhere.
If your child does want to be present, explain in advance what will happen and what they will see, and make sure another adult is there who can step out with them if they change their mind. We are always happy to talk this through with you beforehand, and to answer your child’s questions ourselves if that would help.
As parents, it helps to understand what children are likely to understand about death at different ages, and your pediatrician or a children’s grief organization can be a useful source of guidance on that. For this upcoming Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day on August 28, it may be worth thinking about your pet’s stage of life and when to begin introducing some of the ideas above. As always, we are here for you and your aging pet. If you’d like to discuss euthanasia, or how to care for a senior dog or cat, never hesitate to give us a call.